I was born in post World War II Germany and raised by two traumatized and emotionally wounded parents. My mother had to learn to cut off her emotions as a young girl and my father dealt with his war trauma by drinking. My mother loved me but was unable to tune in to her own needs and consequently unable to tune in to mine. I therefore was left to my own devices from an early age on to deal with angst, anxiety, fear and pain. My father was very loving, cuddled with me but was unable to “hold the light” for me or protect me. He was too wounded to be strong for me, to provide guidance or protection. Both of them were hard workers and loved me as best as they could.
As an adult I created a false persona, developed a big ego, which was born out of insecurity and not knowing who I truly was. I am sharing this with you, dear reader, because I come across the “wounded child” during my counseling sessions; the little one that was left behind emotionally while growing up. It helps me understand the need to self-soothe with food (or drink) when clients share their struggle with weight and emotional eating issues.
Diets fail when those issues get overlooked and ignored. They work short-term but then “life happens”, as most of my clients state when I ask them about their yo-yo dieting cycle. If one stays above the surface, tries fad diets, shakes, meal replacements, fasting, challenges etc. - staying at a healthy weight will be temporary. This makes a lot of sense. It’s like putting new motor oil in the car over and over again and ignoring that the motor needs to be replaced.
It takes courage to take a deep dive into our early woundings. There is no quick fix when it comes to understanding and overcoming well worn paths and old patterns. Healing takes time and is never linear. The good news is that you can heal, you can repair and develop new healthy coping and self-soothing skills. It is never too late to re-mother yourself and learn to nurture and nourish yourself differently.